Email Commentary On The Porn Video Stash
Many of my pals from the message boards have written me emails commenting on my decision to put up this site and make my entire porn video stash available to the general public. Some of the emails were congratulatory, some were insulting, many were threatening, and some were disgusting. I post a few here: JohnyZargon68 writes:
“Stan, you fantastic assmaster. Why in all fuck didn’t you put your porn clips online earlier, you fuckhead? I’ve been wishing for this to happen since men walked on the moon. Do you have any idea how important this is to mankind’s future? Do you?? Congratulations, you big tub of fuck grease. I love you, man.” Girly Jezzie writes:
“Hey, baby. Love the new site, but where are the clips of you and I fucking on the lip of Mount Pinatubo? You haven’t forgotten about those naughty porn movies we made, right? Oh, did you finally get your balls waxed like you were going to? Great site baby, I love your porn videos.” Obnoxious Nebulon writes:
“Hey, asshole, I thought I told you that you shouldn’t be spreading this garbage around the internet anymore. You’ve been such an unbelievably huge throbbing pain in my ass cheek, distributing all these free porn clips around that suck more than you do. I couldn’t get aroused by this crap if you set me up with a Viagra IV. And don’t fucking call my house at 3 in the morning and pretend to be Ed McMahon, it’s fucking retarded and gay. You’re retarded. Idiot.” Caloron Fuckulus writes:
“Human named Sleazoid Stan, hear me. I am the great and terrible and highly feared Caloron Fuckulus. I am a well-funded alien disruptor whose mission is to prevent portly humans from losing weight and becoming slim, healthy, sexually active bipeds. I am the one who is responsible when obese humans go on dramatically restrictive diets and lose no significant amount of weight. Through the use of my high-powered and 100% effective Fatty Tissue Maximization Ray, I can easily, and at the touch of a button, destroy the hopes and dreams of those wishing to shed those stubborn extra pounds and get a date so that they can finally achieve sexual congress. I am clearly far more powerful than you, a lowly amateur internet pornographer of limited means, attractiveness, hygiene, and intellect. Therefore, I now officially warn you that your incursion into distribution of free porn videos is unacceptable. If sufficient quantities of obese humans were to view your porn clips, they might very well discover the secret that could destroy my ability to keep them fat and fuckless. This secret, which lies in your porn clips, must never, ever be known. The very future of fat fucklessness on Earth is at stake. Withdraw your website immediately! You have been warned, fatty.” Gaping Amos writes:
“Hey, you don’t even, like, have any quadruple anal penetration porn clips, do you? Holy fuck, man, that’s like so not cool. How could you have a porn site and not have any of those clips. Jeez, dude. Like, I had a friend, and like he went over to his girlfriend’s house, and they, like, made some porn movies of him sticking his dick and three spiked dildos in her ass, and they, like, filmed it all, and made, like, several porn video clips of that shit. You could call him and he’d, like, be willing to let you borrow them, like, I’m so sure he would. Otherwise, your site, like, rocks ass.” |
